I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
