My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
