I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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