Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
