I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
