awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
