Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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