Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
