Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize