i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
