Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
