hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize