I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
