Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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