1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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