She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
