he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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