would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is Oprah even human
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
