haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
