Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
