What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
