sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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