OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
