we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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