I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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