He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
