Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
