So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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