so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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