You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
