If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
