"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
