dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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