OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
