At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
