You're my little dorito
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
