I am puke
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
