All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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