Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
