I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
