# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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