I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
