I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
