it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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