I have demons in me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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