Already got asked if we're dating
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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