You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
