i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
