I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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