I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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