I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
