I wish I could teleport
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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