i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
