I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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