when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize