you traded sex for a burrito?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
