How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
