So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
