i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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