Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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