I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize