We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
