I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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