are you so shy because you have an std?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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