So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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