What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
