OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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