foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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