He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
