im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am naked and annoyed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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