we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
