I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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