I want to make a zoo with you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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