i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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